porbably how Sky/Hope feels at this very momment.

Hopeless 0.6

They finally moved from "live" to "LOVE"!!! OMG! I'm going to cry! 

“God, I love you,” he says, moving his hand from my stomach and across my waist. He slowly trails his fingers down to my thigh and I moan into his mouth, resulting in an even more determined kiss. He places a flat palm on the inside of my leg and puts slight pressure against it, wanting to ease himself against me, but I flinch and become tense. He can feel my involuntary moment of hesitation, so he pulls his lips from mine and looks down at me. “Remember, baby. I’m touching you because I love you. No other reason.”

Hopeless 0.5

" “Sky, I can’t do this. I don’t know why you’re even asking for this right now.”
I sit up in the bed, suddenly scared that he won’t go through with it. I scoot to the edge of the bed where he’s standing and I sit up on my knees, grasping his shirt. “Please,” I beg. “Please, Holder. I need this.”
He pulls my hands from his shirt and takes two steps back. He shakes his head, still completely confused. “I’m not doing this, Sky. We’re not doing this. You’re in shock or something…I don’t know. I don’t even know what to say right now.”
I sink back down onto the bed in defeat. The tears start flowing again and I look up at him in complete desperation.
“Please.” I drop my gaze to my hands and fold them together in my lap, unable to look him in the eyes when I speak. “Holder…he’s the only one that’s ever done that to me.” I slowly raise my eyes back up to meet his. “I need you to take that away from him. Please.”
If words could break souls, my words just broke his in two. His face drops and tears fill his eyes. I know what I’m asking him to do and I hate that I’m asking him for this, but I need it. I need to do whatever I can to minimize the pain and the hatred in me. “Please, Holder.” " 

I'm sorry but that is plain weird! I know I've never been in that situation and I don't know what is going through her head but right now in this point of view (meaning mine) don't see how it works. 

But at the same time I do understand, having intercourse with someone else would get rid of the bad connotation it as on her at the moment. 

They didn't actually end up doing the deed, which I think is a good thing. They weren't going to do it because they wanted too but because Sky thought they had too. They should just know that it is just the right time to do what they want to do that at the time that they want to do it. 

Hopeless 0.4

Remember the mental break down I mentioned on the first blog post I put about hopeless... Well I got to the part where she goes "CRAZY": 

She snuck into her fathers house, and upon having the memory of the horrid things he used to do to her she freaked out! 

" I stand up and look down at the bed, holding my breath in fear of the sounds that are escalating from deep within my throat.
I will not cry. 
I will not cry.
Slowly sinking to my knees, I place my hands on the edge of the bed and run my fingers over the yellow stars poured across the deep blue background of the comforter. I stare at the stars until they begin to blur from the tears that are clouding my vision.
I squeeze my eyes shut and bury my head into the bed, grabbing fistfuls of the blanket. My shoulders begin to shake as the sobs I’ve been trying to contain violently break out of me. With one swift movement, I stand up, scream and rip the blanket off the bed, throwing it across the room.
I ball my fists and frantically look around for something else to throw. I grab the pillows off the bed and chuck them at the reflection in the mirror of the girl I no longer know. I watch as the girl in the mirror stares back at me, sobbing pathetically. The weakness in her tears infuriates me. We begin to run toward each other until our fists collide against the glass, smashing the mirror. I watch as she falls into a million shiny pieces onto the carpet.
I grip the edges of the dresser and push it sideways, letting out another scream that has been pent up for way too long. When the dresser comes to rest on its back, I rip open the drawers and throw the contents across the room, spinning and throwing and kicking at everything in my path. I grab at the sheer blue curtain panels and yank them until the rod snaps and the curtains fall around me. I reach over to the boxes piled high in the corner and, without even knowing what’s inside, I take the top one and throw it against the wall with as much force as my five foot, three-inch frame can muster.
force as my five foot, three-inch frame can muster.
“I hate you!” I cry. “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!”
I’m throwing whatever I can find in front of me at whatever else I can find in front of me. Every time I open my mouth to scream, I taste the salt from the tears that are streaming down my cheeks." 

Ok now everything does make sense, that part at least. Because the whole story is just a mess right now. I mean how can someone just forget something of that sort? Do you simply choose the memories to keep and does to let go of? Because if it is how it works I would like to know the trick for this technic. 

Hopeless 3.0

This story ONLY gets more and more intense, it is just like..... WOW!!! 
Ok story goes on and that night when Sky goes home Karen is waiting up for her, where she tells her that she isn't aloud to see Holder anymore. The next day arrives and Sky decides that she no longer wants to stay with Karen, Karen did threat to call the police but they both knew that wasn't possible since she would end up being the one in jail: 
" I grab her hand and shove the phone into it, but she refuses to grasp it. “Call them! Call the police, Mom! Please.” I’m begging now. I’m begging her to call them—to prove me wrong. To prove that she has nothing to hide. To prove that I’m not what she’s hiding. “Please,” I say again quietly. Everything in my heart and soul wants her to take the phone and call them so I’ll know I’m wrong.
She takes a step back at the same time she sucks in a breath. She begins to shake her head, and I’m almost positive she knows I know, but I don’t stick around to find out. " 

And the truth will set your free right Kareen, it's ok... You are just a crazy little kidnapper doesn't mean you're a bad person. But if it turns out that you are a bad person like said in wrek- it- Ralph " I am bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. There is no one I'd rather be than me. " maybe you should conceder that being your new Moto. 

So sky gets in Holder's car and drives away, in her words " Away from the only family I’ve ever really known." they drives and drives and drives until they pull up in front of a driveway, no one seems to be home so Sky goes in. Walking into her room everything seems to be the same, VERY familiar. That is when the most disturbing/ saddest part of the book ( so far) to occur. Sky get's a flashback, one NO person should ever get, EVER; 
" 
I used to hold my breath and hope he would think I was sleeping. It doesn’t work, because he doesn’t care if I’m sleeping or not. One time I tried to hold my breath and hoped he would think I was dead. That didn’t work either, because he never even noticed I was holding my breath.
The doorknob turns and I’m all out of tricks right now and I try to think of another one really fast but I can’t. He closes the door behind him and I hear his footsteps coming closer. He sits down beside me on my bed and I hold my breath anyway. Not because I think it’ll work this time, but because it helps me not feel how scared I am.
“Hey, Princess,” he says, tucking my hair behind my ear. “I got you a present.”
I squeeze my eyes shut because I do want a present. I love presents and he always buys me the best presents because he loves me. But I hate it when he brings the presents to me at nighttime, because I never get them right away. He always makes me tell him thank you first.
I don’t want this present. I don’t.
“Princess?”
My daddy’s voice always makes my tummy hurt. He always talks to me so sweet and it makes me miss my mommy. I don’t remember what her voice sounded like, but daddy said it sounded like mine. Daddy also says that mommy would be sad if I stop taking his presents because she’s not here to take his presents anymore. This makes me sad and I feel really bad, so I roll over and look up at him.
“Can I have my present tomorrow, Daddy?” I don’t want to make him sad, but I don’t want that box tonight. I don’t.
Daddy smiles at me and brushes my hair back. “Sure you can have it tomorrow. But don’t you want to thank Daddy for buying it for you?”
My heart starts to beat really loud and I hate it when my heart does that. I don’t like the way my heart feels and I don’t like the scary feeling in my stomach. I stop looking at my daddy and I look up at the stars instead, hoping I can think about how pretty they are. If I keep thinking about the stars and the sky, maybe it will help my heart to stop beating so fast and my tummy to stop hurting so much.
I try to count them, but I keep stopping at number five. I can’t remember what number comes after five, so I have to start over. I have to count the stars over and over and only five at a time because I don’t want to feel my daddy right now. I don’t want to feel him or smell him or hear him and I have to count them and count them and count them and count them until I don’t feel him or hear him or smell him anymore.
Then when my daddy finally stops making me thank him, he pulls my nightgown back down and whispers, “Goodnight Princess.” I roll over and pull the covers over my head and squeeze my eyes shut and I try not to cry again but I do. I cry like I do every time daddy brings me a present at night.
I hate getting presents. " 

I swear I would kill that bastard! I would take his head break a glass with it kick him in his private parts so hard that it will hurt him every time he tried to have intercourse with any women. 

Reading this chapter of the book left me crying for about 45 minutes. 
What kind of father rapes his own daughter, especially if she is 5 year old! 
I can't, I can't! I'm out or I will break this computer.

Hopeless 2.0

Let's be honest! After a while I was starting to get bored with all the lovey-dovey things going on, it started getting predictable until.... EVERYthing changed. 

Sky went over to Holder's house the night after he mumbled " I love you HOPE" in his sleep. He is lucky that Sky is nothing like me, because I would of woup his behind! 
Well let be realistic two seventeen year olds in a house alone. In a room. On a bed. Things are bound to happen, naturally. 

Sky thought she was ready, all clothing off and the actions about to start but it is interrupted by the sound of sobbing. Who was crying you may ask.... Sky. Hmmmmm I thought you were ready? Holder was understanding, which isn't surprising since it wasn't his idea in the first place.

While looking for the bathroom at Holder's house, Sky ended up in Les's room.  

Maybe I should mention that Leslie is Dean Holder's sister who committed suicide the year before.

So yeah, she ended up in Leslie's room where she found herself looking at pictures of her and her friends, family, and so on. But when she laid eye on a picture of Leslie and her brother when they were younger the fact that everything seemed SO familiar was strange. But then that is what she noticed. That bracelet Holder got so mad upon seeing.  

And that's when slowly her memories started to come back... 

"

“Who the hell is Hope?”
He keeps his eyes locked on mine and his hands placed firmly on the doorframe, but he can’t answer me. For some reason he doesn’t want me to know. He doesn’t want me to remember who I was. I take a deep breath and try to fight back the tears. I’m too scared to say it, because I don’t want to know the answer.
“Is it me?” I ask, my voice shaking and full of trepidation. “Holder…am I Hope?”
He lets out a quick breath at the same time he looks up at the ceiling, almost as if he’s struggling not to cry. He closes his eyes and lays his forehead against his arm, then takes a long, deep breath before looking back at me. “Yes.”"

Ok... Shocker. 
I mean I would never expect Holder and Sky to be friends before she was adopted. But now, nothing Lauren said adds up. 
At first Sky is confused and upset at Holder for not telling her sooner, and as she breaks down she is not forgiving him any. 

Ok away from the topic for a minute... I finally figured out why the book is named "Hopeless".
This is a memory that came back to Sky -or Hope I'm not even sure what she is to be called anymore:

" “Hope!” he yells, still sitting on the steps. “I give up!” He looks around the yard, then sighs quietly. He mumbles and kicks at the gravel under his foot and it makes me laugh. Lesslie punches me on the arm and tells me to be quiet.
He starts laughing, and at first I think it’s because he hears us, but then I realize he’s just talking to himself.
“Hope and Les,” he says, quietly. “Hopeless.” He laughs again and stands up. “You hear that?” he yells, cupping his hands around his mouth. “The two of you are hopeless!” " 

That makes sense now the name i mean! Everything makes sense!  

Okay, now here is was the story Holder told Sky/ Holder:  

"

 “We lived next door to you and your dad for a year. You and me and Les…we were all best friends. It’s so hard to remember faces from that long ago, though. I thought you were Hope, but I also thought that if you really were her, I wouldn’t be doubting it. I thought if I ever saw her again, I’d know for sure.
“When I left the grocery store that day, I immediately looked up the name you gave me online. I couldn’t find anything about you, not even on Facebook. I searched for an hour straight and became so frustrated that I went for a run to cool down. When I rounded the corner and saw you standing in front of my house, I couldn’t breathe. You were just standing there, worn out and exhausted from running and…Jesus, Sky. You were so beautiful. I still wasn’t sure if you were Hope or not, but at that point it wasn’t even going through my mind. I didn’t care who you were; I just needed to know you.
“After spending time with you that week, I couldn’t stop myself from going to your house that Friday night. I didn’t show up with the intention of digging up your past or even in the hopes that something would happen between us. I went to your house because I wanted you to know the real me, not the me you had heard about from everyone else. After spending more time with you that night, I couldn’t think of anything else besides figuring out how I could spend more time with you. I had never met anyone who got me the way you did. I still wondered if it was possible…if you were her. I was especially curious after you told me you were adopted, but again, I thought maybe it was a coincidence.
“But then when I saw the bracelet…” He stops talking and takes his hand off of my back. His fingers slide under my chin and he pulls my face away from my knees and makes me look him in the eyes. “My heart broke, Sky. I didn’t want you to be her. I wanted you to tell me you got the bracelet from your friend or that you found it or you bought it. After all the years I spent searching for you in every single face I ever looked at, I finally found you…and I was devastated. I didn’t want you to be Hope. I just wanted you to be you.”
“The day Les gave you that bracelet, you were crying. I remember every single detail like it happened yesterday. You were sitting in your yard against your house. Les and I sat with you for a long time, but you never stopped crying. After she gave you your bracelet she walked back to our house but I couldn’t. I felt bad leaving you there, because I thought you might be mad at your dad again. You were always crying because of him and it made me hate him. I don’t remember anything about the guy, other than I hated his guts for making you feel like you did. I was only six years old, so I never knew what to say to you when you cried. I think that day I said something like, ‘Don’t worry…He won’t live forever."
And then I did something I’ve regretted, “I walked to my front yard even though I knew I should have sat back down in the grass beside you. I stood in my front yard and I watched you cry into your arms, when you should have been crying into mine. I just stood there…and I watched the car pull up to the curb. I watched the passenger window roll down and I heard someone call your name. I watched you look up at the car and wipe your eyes. You stood up and you dusted off your shorts, then you walked to the car. I watched you climb inside and I knew whatever was happening I shouldn’t have just been standing there. But all I did was watch, when I should have been with you. It never would have happened if I would have stayed right there with you.”
“They took you. Whoever was in that car, they took you from your dad, from me, from Les. You’ve been missing for thirteen years, Hope.” 

"

Ok, there it is! I was left speechless, for my entire Science period not to forget French. And I just had the urge to walk around an tell everyone to read it. 

I mean that was the most unpredictable thing ever, I mean them knowing each other was like wow! But this right here.... I was just like :O